If the answer to those questions is ‘yes’ then you need to come down and see your best pal, Nate! He’s got the best deals on the market, my friends. And he’s willing to work with you to make things work.

Just take a look at these babies!

Catcher: Broderick Hooker CON 66 GAP 64 EYE 100 Only 3.7MM and still in arbitration!
First Base: Albert Ramer CON 47 GAP 56 POW 76 EYE 65 $2.5MM and a FA after this year!
Third Base: Constantino Martinez CON 50 POW 65 EYE 100 Four stars of pure hitter!
Right Field: Manuel Abalo CON 72 GAP 58 EYE 64 Also plays Left!
Center Field: Brady Morris CON 55 GAP 65 EYE 85. Runs 8 Steals 6. Turns those singles into doubles all on his own!

You say it’s pitching you want? Just take these for a spin

Starting Pitchers
Pedro Diaz STF 66 CON 63 END 10. Who needs a bullpen with Pedro on the mound?
Brandon Millette STF 64 CON 68. A solid four pitch starter with a lifetime 3.45 ERA!

Relief Pitchers
Crispin Botella STF 58 CON 53 MOV 61 Only $1.5MM through 2005!

Down at the lot we’re looking for prospects under 22 and high round draft picks! So if your team needs that last final boost to climb over the competition it’s time you came down and shook the hand of the man who’ll put your team in the playoffs!

Call today!

Yes, readers, Sim #10 is in the books and things remain tight.

However, in the craziness of the era, ALL teams in the Socratic League are now at or over .500. Marietta and New York are tied for fifth/last at 22-22! This bodes ill for the competitiveness of the Platonic League come playoff time, I’d say!

In the races surprise frontrunner Pittsburgh remains on top of the league with Seattle trailing one game behind and Stockholm half a game behind them. It’s a solid, three team race with a Cinderella in the mix! Some exciting times, there!

In the Socratic System Brooklyn, in the wake of their trade with Maryland, is on top. But Winnipeg is only one-half game back and Helena is still in the mix. Even the trailing teams are only 5.5 games off the pace so it’s anyone’s game as you can see!

The next sim in Monday by Mack! Be there!

In a move that seemed unprobable the two teams from last year’s World Series have swapped players and draft picks and cash and Brooklyn has managed to get older. The key piece of this trade had Brooklyn obtaining LF John Sasso from Maryland. At age 36, he adds the experience to the team in the OF and will create a platoon in LF with the struggling Bombers leftfielder William Manroe and strengthen up the bench. Traveling up I-95 from Maryland is the lefty out of the pen, Henry Flynn (hey that rhymes) who should help out in the late stages of games to help set up the game for closer Ramon Medina. The Bombers are also getting an undisclosed amount of cash to help with Sasso’s $2.4M contract for this season.

In return, Maryland is building for the future. Obtaining a couple of prospects, a couple of players that could help out the ML roster right now and Brooklyn’s 4th Round pick in the 2005 Draft. The prospects are Richard Fenstermacher (say that last name three times fast) who has posted a 2.16 ERA this season and Thomas Wilson who was 15-1 in 2003. Also heading to Maryland is AAA C Spencer Berta and ML MR Jose Lucero who should help the Poedamnedmonium in the near term.

Finally, we’re back on track and the season has advanced to May 18.

In the Platonic League, the top three are still Seattle, Pittsburgh, and Stockholm. Sylva and Cairo continue to tread water in fourth and fifth, respectively while Maryland’s chances of defending its crown further dimmed as the Poedamnedmonium are only 1-9 in the last ten and hold the game’s worst record.

The Socratic League remains strong as the two teams tied for last (Jersey City and New York) are only one game under .500. Brooklyn has opened a 2.5 game lead at the top of the division. Winnipeg and Helena are second and third and Marietta has rode a six-game winning streak into fourth place.

Seattle’s William “Tool” Broussard and Helena’s Juan Favela took home Player of the Week honors. Apparently, Tool likes his new nickname.

The most significant injury was to the increasingly cursed Maryland franchise, who lost starter Wayne Dick for five weeks to a broken leg.

The league file is posted and the web pages are en route. Next sim is Friday by Nate.

Sorry for the delay, gentlemen. Got my new laptop today and I got distracted. Forgive me.

Sadly, in this sim we begin to see some seperation in the Socratic League and that’s me doing the sucking. I should be happy I stole that first trophy, I suspect.

Anyway…

After this sim we see the Platonic League seperating into two distinct groupings. Seattle, Pittsburgh, and Stockholm up top (Seattle in the lead) and the others chasing behind. In the Socratic League such is happening as well with Brooklyn, Winnipeg, and Helena all withing 1.5 games of each other and the lead with the others strung out behind.

Oddly enough, last year’s champs, Maryland, is the only team with a real bad start at 11-23. Strange for a trophy holder.

On the injury front there was one major injury this sim. Maryland Starter Wayne Dick was hit by a come-backer and broke his hand. He’s out for at least six full weeks. Ouch!

We have one outstanding pitching performance and one outstanding hitting performance this sim. On the pitching side Stockholm’s Chad Gomez threw 8 innings of 3 hit ball for the ninth best performance of the year. Pittsburgh’s Perry Hodgin brought his A game to the plate in a five for five, two home run, five run game against Helena for the best to-date hitting game of the year!

Keep playing those games, guys. The next sim in Friday, by me! Be there!

In a rare display of charity, Seattle GM Matt Macario responded to Stockholm’s desperate plea for relief from the injury bug. The Ministry agreed to trade starting SS John Covas to the Sluggers in exchange for SP Carlos Riva and Stockholm’s third round pick in next year’s amateur draft. Seattle is also sending some financial assistance to cash-strapped Stockholm in the deal to cover a portion of Covas’ remaining 2004 salary.

“John’s been tearing the cover off the ball so far this year, and we’re going to miss him for sure,” Macario said. “But his contract expires this year, and we’re hoping that our young guy can help us finally win the Series. That’s our goal, despite past evidence to the contrary.” Macario is referring, of course, to star prospect William “The Tool” Broussard, someone Seattle is counting on to help break the team’s infamous postseason losing streak. “They say this kid can do anything — even pitch, for crying out loud — so he’ll get a chance to prove himself. Honestly, I just hope his nickname isn’t a true reflection of his skills.”

We’re up to May 8, and I’ll confess I don’t understand what is happening or why. One thing I do know is that the Platonic League took Nate’s Sim 6 report personally and five of the six teams are on winning streaks of two to four games. The Socratic League, in contrast, has five 2+ game losing streaks.

In the Platonic League, Seattle rolled off a 4-1 sim and still lost .5 game of its lead on the Pisces when Pittsburgh won all four of its contests. I’m going to have start taking this team more seriously in another few sims. Right now, I still think it’s a mirage. Stockholm kept pace and is just 1.5 games back. Sylva, defending champ Maryland, and Cairo take the final three spots in that order.

In the Socratic League, there was some separation. Winnipeg is in first by a half-game over Brooklyn. Resurgent Helena finally lost a game after its nine-game winning streak was broken (by Cairo, no less) and stands third and only one game out of first. New York and Jersey City are tied for fourth, three games back and Marietta is now in last at 3.5 games back.

Notes from the past sim…

Sylva’s Samuel Corrado and New York’s Alfonso Reyes took home Player of the Week honors.

Stockholm’s young stud Ben Towell had five hits on May 5 against Marietta, including two home runs. Unfortunately, he then suffered bone chips in his shoulder on May 7 and will be out 4-5 weeks.

Cairo lost both starting pitcher Baltasar Acevedo and reliever Adrian Castillo to injury on May 5. While Acevedo will be back in mid-May, Castillo is done for the season. A tough year for the Leveemen so far.

No other major injuries, although Seattle’s Zachariah Chavez is day to day for a month.

On May 3, Helena’s winning streak was over when Cairo scored 10 runs in the second inning on the way to a 15-3 rout.

On May 4, New York pounded out 17 hits en route to an 11-3 victory over Sylva.

On May 5, Towell’s fifth hit drove in the winning run in Stockholm’s 7-6 victory over Marietta. Stockholm had tied the game in the bottom of the ninth with a solor home run by Michinaga Yasutoki. Stockholm pulled the rabbit out again the next night with a run in the bottom of the ninth and one in the bottom of the tenth in a 4-3 win over Marietta.

On May 6, Pittsburgh outslugged Jersey City 13-7 in a game featuring 32 hits, including an improbable nine extra base hits by the Pisces.

On May 7, Cairo topped Brooklyn 3-2 in 12 innings when centerfielder Osvaldo Acevedo tripled with two outs and scored on shortstop Kenneth Dixon’s clutch single.

League file is posted. Web pages en route. The sims on Wednesday and Friday will both by by Nate. I’ll be back on the job next Monday. Good luck all.

Another sim has come and gone, sports fans! And no resolution is in sight in either league. With more than a month now behind us (one sixth of the season) we seen nothing but parity across both leagues.

In the Platonic League Seattle maintains its lead but is followed by both Pittsburgh and Stockholm one game back. Further, one game earlier Pittsburgh had tied it up before slipping in the last game of the sim.

In the Socratic League things are insanely tight with Hall9000’s Winnipeg tied with Brooklyn and Helena for the lead and Marietta one-half game back. Behind the Ohio River heroes is Jersey City one game off the leaders and New York in the cellar only two games back at 13-14.

That’s right, by the way, all the teams in the Socratic League are above .500 except the last place team which is only one game under. Guess who’s beating whom in interleague play so far this year? Hint: it ain’t the Hegelians…

In awards this sim Seattle’s George Pullum won the Batter of the month for the Platonic League. In he Socratic League the award went to Brooklyn’s Miyatarou Takenao. Pitcher of the Month winners were Maryland’s McGurk and Brooklyn’s Tyler Conn. Well done, gentlemen!

The next sim is Monday by Mack! Don’t miss it!

We’re up to April 28, almost a month into the season.

In the Platonic League, Seattle still rules the roost. Stockholm has moved into second place, passing Pittsburgh as the Pisces have realized that they suck after all.

In the Socratic League, they’re apparently looking for the first six-way tie in the middle of the season. The top teams struggled, as Winnipeg, Jersey City, and Marietta are all tied for first place with records just two games over .500. Meanwhile, Brooklyn and New York lurk exactly one-half game back. Formerly struggling Helena has ripped off five straight wins and now is almost back to .500 and, while still in last place, is only 1.5 games out of first.

Stockholm’s David Solar and Brooklyn’s Antonio Alicea took home Player of the Week honors. Congrats to them and their families.

Injuries finally struck this sim and struck with a vengeance. Helena lost starting catcher John Nieman for the season. Sylva lost starting rightfielder John Douglass for eight weeks. Brooklyn lost starting pitcher Thomas Fleenor and third baseman Stephen Hyer for three weeks and 10 days, respectively. Jersey City reliever Freddie Mendes is day-to-day for 3-4 weeks. Bad sim for injuries.

Winnipeg’s Jerry Brasher set a Socratic League record on April 23, drawing four walks in a game. Apparently, the computer grasps the importance of on base percentage, something that has eluded Seattle Mariners management for years now. (Er. Sorry. Wrong league.)

On April 23, Helena and New York put on a thriller. Tied at two going into the ninth, Helena scored two in the top of the inning only to see New York tie the game. So, Helena came back and scored three in the tenth, only to see New York tie it yet again. Helena then scored two more in the 11th inning and finally managed to close out the game with a 9-7 victory. New York’s hitters shouldn’t feel bad, as there were two outs both times they tied the game. The Knights relievers though …

On April 24, Helena, Seattle, and Marietta all won in their final at bat with Helena scoring four in the bottom of the ninth to defeat Sylva 6-5.

On April 25, Baltasar Acevedo threw eight shutout innings for Cairo in a 6-0 victory over Marietta.

April 26 saw three one-run victories by Maryland, Stockholm, and Helena over Jersey City, Winnipeg, and Cairo, respectively.

On April 27, Marietta scored two in the ninth and two in the tenth in defeating Seattle 10-9. Seattle had victory in its grasp, but shortstop John Covas’s error with two outs in the tenth opened the door to Marietta’s comeback.

In other miscellaneous notes, the injured John Douglass is the last OEL hitter over .400 with enough at bats to qualify for the batting title, but will drop out of the rankings before his injury heals.

Seattle’s George Pullum is back on an MVP pace, leading the Platonic League in runs scored, RBI, and runs created while tied for the lead in home runs.

Maryland’s Lewis McGurk has an ERA of 0.96.

Brooklyn’s Pio Pastrama leads the OEL with 7 home runs

Opposing batters are hitting just .143 against Winnipeg’s Lenard Ramirez.

Anyway, the league file is posted and web pages are on the way. Nate has the next sim on Friday. Good luck all.

P.S. Seattle’s owner has chosen to give his top prospect the nickname William “The Tool” Broussard. Why? Only Matt knows. He’s an odd duck. In any case, congrats to Matt “The Tool” Macario on his selection.

Sim #4 is complete, gentlemen, though I use the term loosely, indeed.

In the Platonic League Seattle maintains it’s hold on first ending up 1.5 games up on the trailing Pittsburgh franchise. Stockholm remains 2.5 back.

In the Socratic League Jersey City sits with a winning percentage of .625. But the chasers are tighter with Winnipeg only one-half game behind and Marietta one 1.5 games out at 10-9! New York is one-half game behind Marietta and Brooklyn is one game behind them. In all, five of the six teams are within 3 games of the lead.

Minor injuries claimed three players this week. Marietta’s Abalo, Stockholm’s Artman, and Brooklyn’s Woodworth are all down with dings for less than a week! Thank goodness for small favors, readers!

In outstanding efforts this sim Brooklyn’s Tyler Conn turned in the best pitching performance of the year to date throwing a one hit, no walk game against Winnipeg on April 20! Conn lost his no-hitter in the 8th after being perfect through seven! Better luck next time, Tyler!

The next sim is Wednesday by Mack! Be there!