The commissioners have made a deal and, since they have no one to email about it, are announcing it here. Pittsburgh sends its 1st, 2nd, and 5th round picks in this year’s draft along with MR Eddie Pineda to Marietta in exchange for C Sixto Arenas and 3B Randy Carman.

“I hate to trade draft picks,” said Pisces Owner/GM Mack Shultz, “but we needed these guys to fill some holes. Arenas gives us a known commodity as a backup catcher and we think Carman is an excellent young third baseman who can serve as valuable depth this year and learn the trade from Darren Schmeltzer.”

The irony of the whole thing is that Pittsburgh and Marietta traded Arenas and Pineda straight up for each other in 2007. Now, the two players cross paths again as they head back to their former squads. At least Arenas has Carman to keep him company on the flight to Pittsburgh’s spring training facilities in St. Thomas. Pineda just has some scraps of paper representing the draft picks. Sad, really.

Edited to add: Technically, the first round pick sent to Marietta was originally Seattle’s, #10 overall. New York already has Pittsburgh’s first-round pick, #11 overall.

Sorry, no time for the fake prose today, so just the basics:

Miami and Cairo have agreed to the following trade.

Miami sends to Cairo:
C Zambrano
1B/OF Kiser
Miami’s 1st round pick (2009)
$5 million cash

Cairo sends to Maui:
2B Deleon (AAA)
Cairo’s 1st round pick (2009)

The general managers of the Miami Masters of Their Domain and the Cairo Leveemen reached agreement on a trade today.  In the deal, Miami will receive stud reliever Ramon Santiago.  In return, Cairo will receive two promising Miami prospects:  AAA 1B Chang-hyeok O, and A SP Juan Ramos.

When questioned by skeptical Miami sports media about the rationale behind trading two promising young prospects for a pitcher whose only experience is as a reliever, Miami GM Matt Macario replied “We are cautiously optimistic that we can convert Ramon to a starter.  It’s a ‘borderline’ case according to my OOTP sources, but I have faith in the kid.  And he says he wants to start, so it has the potential for a win-win.  We’ll take it day by day and see how things go.”

It’s a big risk in the eyes of this reporter, but if the stars align just right, Miami could have a formidable starting rotation with Alberto Deluna, Michael Pellerin, Cruz Alonzo, and now Ramon Santiago taking the hill on successive days.

The commissioners, showing faith in the new version of the game, have made the first trade in the OEL under OOTP 11. Pittsburgh sends star veteran, but highly paid, starting pitcher Gaby Duran to Marietta in exchange for A-ball 1B Sancho Bojorquez.

“Frankly, we got a little bit of sticker shock at the new arbitration prices and felt we needed to clear up some salary room,” said Pisces Owner/GM Mack Shultz. “We are very grateful to Gaby Duran for everything he did as part of his second tour of duty here, but $14 million per year for the next four years is a lot of money.”

New Pisces prospect Bojorquez is expected to see time at multiple positions in the infield, with Pittsburgh viewing him as a versatile piece that can start at first or second and fill in as necessary at shortstop and third base. He is expected to join the A-ball Uniontown Strikers this spring.

…this is not an order that you would hear during Mardi Gras, but rather it what the Brooklyn Bombers found in their Christmas in July Stocking in the deal announced yesterday.  This deal sends C  Broderick ‘MILF’ Hooker and CF Tory ‘Tornado’ Chavez to Brooklyn from the Cairo Leveemen in return for their 1st Round draft pick and 6 (count ‘em – SIX) prospects and soon to be future stars.  This deal will help the Bombers immediately fill that void in scoring runs as Chavez is expected to fit in the middle of the lineup and help generate runs that have been hard to come by.  Hooker will help the catching situation which has been non-existent in the recent past.

In return, the main piece of the deal heading to Cairo in addition to the first round pick is SP Cosme Garza who is just starting out in his major league career.  Garza has 15 wins in his first 36 starts with 205 Ks in his first 213.2 innings pitched.  Also in this deal are 3B Alfonso Morales and SS Jose Carranza who have already had a good amount of time on the ML roster and prospects AA 2B Jeff Mitchell, A C Tony O’Reilly and A CF Peder Loof (the last two were former 1st round picks).  All of these prospects will eventually help the Leveemen reach higher levels.

“I think we did it this time.  We sold of our entire future for today,” said Brooklyn GM Jeremy Goldman.  “We needed a few bats and we got some of the best in the league.”  When asked about trading away the future Mr. Goldman responded by singing the theme to Hawaii Five-O at the top of his lungs while holding his hands over his ears until the questions stopped.

To finish this deal Brooklyn will receive $10M in cash and Cairo’s 5th round pick in 2009 and Cairo will also receive Brooklyn’s 8th round pick in 2009.

While going through the Pittsburgh minor leagues today, I determined that I have too many outfield prospects in A-ball. So, I need to trade one of three fledgling prospects. The three guys fighting for two spots are Donald “The Flying Dutchman” Oomsen, Alejandro Negron, and Labib bin Omran.

I don’t think any of them are superstars, or I’d make room for them. But, they all have their virtues and I think they’re better prospects than a lot of guys who will be selected in the middle rounds of the upcoming draft. So, I’ll trade your choice of the three for a fourth-round pick, this year or next, to the first taker.

[Later edit added]

And, Negron has now been traded to Stockholm for a 2009 fourth round pick. Good luck, Alejandro.

March 23, 2008 — PITTSBURGH — Apparently not content with their current haul of high draft picks, the Pittsburgh Pisces emptied their farm system in exchange for the Cairo Leveemen’s first-round pick, the #1 overall pick in this June’s draft. Pittsburgh is sending away AA 2B Gabriel Deleon, AAA SP Jose Leon, AAA SP David Abarca, and AAA 1B David Rosado as well as its fourth round pick (#48 in all).

“It’s a ton to give up to roll the dice at the top of the draft,” said Pisces Owner/GM Mack Shultz. “But, we have a very young major league roster, with only two position players older than 26, and an established starting rotation. We felt like we could give these guys up without hurting our long-term future.”

Gabriel Deleon may be the biggest prize in the package. The second baseman just turned 22 and has torn up rookie and short-season ball since his signing as an international prospect. “He plays great defense, runs well, and projects to be a tremendous hitter,” said Shultz. “But I’ve got this Jimenez kid playing second base in the majors who I’m pretty fond of already.” Deleon is the third-highest rated second base prospect in the game, according to the Baseball America rankings.

Jose Leon has been one of the Pisces’ top pitching prospects for years. He more than held his own in AAA last year at the tender age of 21 and has pitched well in Spring Training with the major league squad. “I don’t know if he’s ready this season for the majors or needs a few more months in the minors, but I expect Leon will start for a long time in the majors once he’s ready,” said Shultz.

David Abarca is another pitcher who threw well for AAA Imperial last year. The 24-year-old has a career ERA of just 3.09 in 150 innings in AAA. “David’s met every challenge we’ve thrown at him,” said Shultz. “At the very least, he’ll provide some starting pitching depth to Cairo, who is a bit thin in the upper minors.”

The final player, David Rosado, has been a source of dispute in the Pittsburgh organization over the years. “Rosado has steadily progressed through the system,” said Shultz. “He’s always been young for his level, but he held his own last year in AAA at 21. Some of our scouts love him, some aren’t as sure. In any case, we’re pretty deep in first basemen at the major league level, so we thought he could use a new home.”

Shultz refused to reveal who he intended to select with the top pick in the draft. “June’s a long way away and a lot of things can change between now and then. There’s one prospect in particular that we’ve had our eyes on for a couple years. We wouldn’t have made this trade if we didn’t really like his potential. But we have to see how the college and high school seasons play out and what other players declare for the draft on May 1.”

“The odd thing is,” said Shultz, “we aren’t as high on this draft as we were, for instance, on last season’s. But here we are staring at the possibility of five first-round picks. It’s funny how things turn out.”

In a move that many are calling reactionary, the Brooklyn Bombers and Stockholm Sluggers exchanged players today that address both of their weaknesses.

Heading to the frozen capital of Sweden is the former #2 SP for the Bombers Freddie ‘Krueger’ Mendes and 1B prospect Eddy Acevedo.  Both are expected to make a huge splash in the majors for the Sluggers and fill two holes that needed to be filled.  There is also $5M heading to Stockholm, but we are not sure how much that ends up being with the current exchange rate.

In return, the Bombers are going to strengthen their OF with Carroll ‘Burnett’ Pinon who spent last year manning 1B for the Sluggers.  He should feel more comfortable moving back to his native OF position, most likely in LF next season.  When asked about the move Pinon commented, “Hell yeah I am excited, when [Stockholm GM] Michael pulled me into his office and told me I would be playing 1B, I said I would do anything to help the team win, but really I knew that it was not for me.  I can’t wait to get back in the outfield this season and produce for the Bombers and get them back to the World Series.”

In addition, there are 2 prospects heading to Brooklyn in the form of Swedish AA SP Benedikt Salo and S A CF Clifford Harrison along with Stockholm’s 2nd Round pick in the 2008 draft.

“We are really excited at this deal for the present and the future,” said Brooklyn GM Jeremy Goldman, “Our team is much better now, and once we get the final piece of the puzzle in place we should get back to the World Series.”  It had been noticed by many an owner in the OEL that there were less than a few prospects worth trading for in the minors from Brooklyn.  “It was pretty pathetic,” Nate Wooley, Marietta GM quipped.  “They would come to us asking for a trade and have no one worth trading for.  There was really nothing any of us could do about that.”

This trade, and the above comments by GM Goldman, seem to signal that Brooklyn could be making a big splash in the FA market.  The rumors going around are that Perry ‘The Platypus’ Hodgin could sign with the Bombers as early as today.  If that happens, there will be a completely new OF hitting the field in 2008 than started the season in 2007.  Both this trade and possible FA signing will mean a totally revamped lineup including HR hitters: Hodgin, White, Pinon and Moeller to knock in the table setters: Martinez (who will be back from the DL) and Takeano.  This lineup may not be as good as the one that Gainesville claims they will have next season, but one thing is for sure, it will be much better than the 2007 version that finished close to 130 runs below the 5th ranked team in the Socratic League, and with their top-notch rotation with their league low 3.34 ERA and 599 runs allowed last season a return to the World Series would be more than just a probability it would be a definite.

Unhappy with his team’s performance over the last few years, Pittsburgh Pisces GM/Owner Mack Shultz announced that he was going to remake the franchise and begin a youth movement. The plan kicked off today with the trade of starting catcher James Dominy and AA prospect catcher Salvadore Loera to Seattle in exchange for Seattle’s 1st round pick in the 2009 draft and AA infielder David Lopez.

“We’re just not pleased with how the team’s performed recently,” said Shultz. “I really think we struggled way too much in winning these last two championships. It’s time to bring in some fresh blood and go for playoff sweeps.”

With the departure of Dominy, who combined stellar defense (three consecutive Gold Gloves) with the best offense in the majors among all catchers (.858 OPS and 41.8 VORP), the Pisces’ catching position is expected to be manned by Karl Urick and top prospect Carlos “The Sandman” Sandoval. It will be interesting to see if the veteran pitching staff takes to the young catchers.

The shocking departure of the fan-friendly Dominy is not the only blow coming to the Pittsburgh fan base, who had only a few weeks to celebrate the title before the team began dismantling. Two more stars, outfielders Perry “the Platypus” Hodgin and Oscar “Pops” Woodworth are expected to leave the team in free agency.

“This is terrible,” said Pisces’ fan and local yokel Cletus Spackler. “I would say all three of those guys are extremely popular. My interest as a fan is likely to drop significantly.”

Hodgin and Woodworth are expected to be replaced in the starting lineup by Joseph Yagi and Albert Guzman. However, Yagi has never consistently performed on the major league level to date and Guzman is a complete unknown recovering from a horrific head injury sustained last April. Will the Pisces’ gambles pay off, or should the reportedly insane owner have kept his championship squad together? Will more changes be coming? As Shultz always says, any player can be traded. Stay tuned.

PITTSBURGH (Jul. 16, 2007): The owners of the OEL all sighed with relief today when they learned that Pittsburgh acquired starting pitcher Chad Gomez from New York in exchange for three prospects. “The guy has been bugging our front office for months now,” said one exasperated anonymous executive. “Thank goodness someone finally gave him a starting pitcher. It was taking up way too much of my time to swat away his repetitive trade offers.”

Other front office executives seemed to echo the sentiment. This reporter heard from numerous front offices, all of who were highly annoyed by Pisces Owner/GM Mack Shultz’s continuous entreaties. “He just doesn’t understand the word ‘no,’” said another anonymous source. “He was finally reduced to begging and groveling. It was pathetic. We gave him a cookie and he finally slunk away. I think it was a snickerdoodle that did the trick.”

The entire league cheered Eric Lent of the Knights for not only shutting Shultz up, but getting three quality prospects in the process. The Knights added AAA IF Freddie Val, AAA outfielder John Whitener, and short-season A-ball starting pitcher Sadakuno Shibata. All three are seen as strong contributors to New York’s future.

Meanwhile, Gomez and his 5.04 ERA is expected to be easily replaced by AAA studs Chuck Finger and Robert Mahone, most likely the former. The marketing arm of the Knights organization is reportedly thrilled at the prospect of being able to finally give their fans the Finger they so richly deserve.